Win-Win with 3 year old M

Today I had let my wife head upstairs for a nap while I was playing with the other kids. I am so thankful when I can enable my wife to slow down and get the rest that she needs. It is a kind of grasping or attachment in Buddhist thinking.
So I was very alarmed when my youngest daughter (3) completed a picture for my wife and wanted to bring it to her.
"M, mommy is sleeping now. Please draw her another picture and we can show them to her when she wakes up"
"No! I want to show her now!"
She ran upstairs and began knocking on my wife's door.
"M, please, we can read this book."
"No! I want momma."
My anger continued to rise with each rapping on the door by M. I contemplated throwing the book that was in my hand, but I tried to connect with my breath and think of a win-win way out of this problem.
I had an idea. My 7 year old daughter L was home and she is good with distractions for M. I went for help. I hustled downstairs and looked around for L. She was not there. I called to her in the basement and all around the house. She did not answer.
This was just perfect. I had one daughter waking up my wife and the other one was lost. My wife was not going to enjoy waking up from this nap and would probably not be taking another one with my in charge.
Then another win-win idea presented itself. Quickly I ran upstairs.
"M, L is lost!" I proclaimed.
M looked skeptical.
"No Daddy, she is just hiding."
"Go see for yourself, I can't find her."
We ran downstairs and looked around. L jumped out at us from under a blanket 30 seconds later. We continued to play hide and seek until Mommy woke up.
The win-win scenarios were not complete for the afternoon, however. M was upstairs trying to hide and was getting angry that I was peeking at her.
"M, lets try the hiding spot that L was using. Let's hide in the bed."
"OK, said M."
We both lied down under the warm sheets in the bed that Mommy had just vacated. M was snoring in less than a minute. The nap that she needed, and would have fought tooth and nail was upon her. And Daddy was only 30 seconds behind:)

Webkinz nightmares

Here is an emotional bedtime rollercoaster brought to you by the evil programmers at Webkinz

When the timer went off for the computer and the kids would not get off webkinz I was irritated.
When they said we need to finish this one game I said fine, but just this last game, I became more irritated.
When the game was over and the kids said that the pet needed food before bed or it would die I said OK through gritted teeth and became more irritated at them.
When they said they needed to take their pet to the doctors before they could shut the machine off or their pet would die I became more irritated.
When they said that they had to buy medicine for their pet I became more aggrivated.
When they said they had to put their webkinz to bed or it would die I wanted to kill the developers of webkinz.
When they searched all 10 rooms in webkinz world and Tommy's tree frog could not find the bed I was furious.
When Lauren said she sold the bed for Webkinz cash I snapped.
Later I laughed.

Cute moment while dropping off L at school

I was dropping off L at school the other day and she took off her seat belt as the car was running.
"Why is the bell ringing in the car, dad?"
"The car is telling us that a very important package in the front seat needs to be taken care of."
L let that sink in and looked at me and beamed.
"I love you Dad."
She gave me our customary kiss and bolted off into school.

Yoga before bed with the kids

The past several nights I have done yoga with the kids before bed. It has been fantastic. My 5 year old boy devours the poses.
"Look dad. I can do up dog and look at the ceiling."
"Dad! I am doing down dog and I can see the door."
He holds the poses along with Rodney Yee who leads the power yoga video. T made it 20 minutes on the first night. I had the under at 5 minutes.
My youngest daughter was a riot as well. 3 Year old M held her down dog right along with daddy and T. She love to run under Daddy's bridge while I am doing down dog.
We lined up our 3 yoga mats side by side and hugged and kissed each other as we transitioned in and out of the poses. It was adorable.
Mommy and L joined us for yoga the next night. All five of us moved in and out of the postures for 10 minutes before bedtime. It was a joyous time.

Meditation continues to pay dividends

After a tough day at work my temper was short this evening. I had resigned myself to a night of yelling and short patience when I remembered to reconnect with my breath. I did this over and over for the entire night.
The more that I practice my meditation the easier this becomes. When the kids scream and the nerves jangle from my eardrums to my anus I breathe and calmly remind them that there is no yelling in our home. By modelling patience through meditation I am able to show the behavior that I am requesting instead of giving it lip service.
I am in month 8 of meditating twice per day and I find that I am connecting with my breath more often. If I am overwhelmed or swamped in some way I am reflexively concentrating on the air coming in through my nostrils and this act of focusing my mind completely calms me and reduces anxiety and stress. This practice has caused me to act in accordance with my values many times over the past several months, with the kids and my wife and at work.
I am especially more inclined to apologize to my wife more quickly than I have in the past. This morning I flew off the handle when my wife asked me to free up some hard drive space on her computer as I was walking out the door for work. I immediately realized that I had overreacted and I took a deep breath and apologized. I left for work with a kiss instead of a grunt. These moments are key for maintaining harmonious relationships with my wife, kids and friends.

Mindfulness is the answer.

I have been having great success over the past several months with mindfulness practice in my parenting. I have been meditating twice a day for 6 months. This has helped me practice returning to my breath when I become consumed by negative emotions. I can immediately deal with these emotions and then take the appropriate action, instead of flying off the handle.

Patience goals for vacation week.

I vow to treat my wife with respect all week long. I will listen intently to her ideas and stories and ask for clarification when I do not understand the emotions that she is trying to convey. I will laugh without abandon when she tells a funny story. I will be patient when I do not hear something she says or if I misinterpret something she says. Because she is brilliant and fun and worthy of the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time if I get snappy with her I realize that it was something that I misread or did not fully understand.

I vow this week to treat my children with respect. I will hug them and kiss them as often as they can possibly stand. I will tell them each time when they say something remarkable. I will tell them how much I enjoy their company and how much I want to be with them. I will laugh at their pre-school jokes just like when I was back in preschool, because it was funny then. I refuse to let my anger reduce our enjoyment of our vacation. I refuse to be selfish at mealtime or bedtime. If I want to eat a hot meal I will explain that to my kids and ask them to help me achieve my goal. If they cooperate, great, if not then I will continue to use my calm words to induce them to cooperate. There is no excuse for yelling at my kids. I will see life from their eyes this week.

I will enjoy time with my mom and my sister. I will laugh at my mom's jokes because they are funny. I will not poke fun at her. I will enjoy her company.

Best way to wake up.

I awoke to this conversation this morning:

I was sleeping in T’s room and they were in L’s room.

L: “I have a boyfriend.”

That statement woke me right up.

T: “You do not.”

L: “I do too.”

Daddy waits……

L: “It’s Daddy!”

Daddy’s heart melts.

Gardening with the kids.

L and T had a ball with me putting in our garden. I loved and cherished every second of the time that we spent together.
T and I worked on the garden during every spare moment of the Easter weekend. After his morning Easter Egg hunt we started putting up the fence. We struggled to push the wire into the clips on the fence posts. T and I would both push hard on the wires and finally they would clip in. We would smile at each other and hug.
After one tough clip T put out his hand for a high five.
"T, do you know that is the first time you ever offered ME a high five?"
T sat and thought about this and then smiled. "Wow!" he exclaimed. And then he slowly raised up his hand and offered me another one. I then received my first 100 high fives from T.
Later, L joined us for weed removal. L and T grunted and groaned and pulled up many weeds and stubborn roots. I hugged them after a big extraction and helped them with the humongous ones.
"Daddy you sure are strong!"
"You will both be stronger than me before long." I replied.
The kids like that answer.
T and L squirreled away many worms into their bug catchers. Later these would be deposited in the composter.
"Those worms are really going to mix up our compost!" I exclaimed.
"You betcha." Exclaimed T.
Finally it was time to get some seeds in. Broccoli and Lettuce were the crops du jour. The kids tried to dig rows, but they were very short and deep. I showed them how they could make the receptacle with their fingers.
L went to plant her broccoli seeds and realized that they had fallen out of the package. She looked crushed.
"oops, I exclaimed. Defective package. T, can L plant some of your lettuce seeds?"
T's response to these types of questions was always the same loving answer:
"Sure!"
L was satisfied and she helped T sow his rows of lettuce seeds.
Finally it was time to water. The temperature was at most 50 degrees. But that did not stop L from stripping down and sprinting through the sprinkler. T was right behind her. My hair stood up just watching them.
"Watch out for the seeds!"
"OK, daddy."
What a blast we had. I had been telling the kids bedtime stories about our garden all winter. Each time we read a Winnie the Pooh book I would tell them that we would have a garden just like Rabbit's. Those seeds were sown this Easter weekend where every time I asked T if he wanted to work in the garden he responded with:
"Sure!"

Splitting wood with T.

While M slept, I put up a tire swing for L and T. They were having a ball with it. I let them play while I went inside to get a chainsaw and maul axe. I figured I would split some wood while they played on the swing.
T was curious as to my project.
"What are you doing dad?"
"Chopping wood."
"Can I help?"
"Sure!"
I cut up the trees that I had dropped last fall. T collected the smaller pieces and loaded them into the barell. He tried to split a few of them with the 8 lb. maul axe. Since he only weighs about 40 lbs. he did not generate much force:(
He landed a few direct hits and then gave up.
Then daddy started splitting the bigger logs.
T would run for cover as I sent the wood flying. Then he would hustle and scoop up the scraps and load them into the wheelbarrow.
"I am going to carry the wheelbarrel up the hill!" exclaimed T.
"Go for it my man!"
I did not think T would be able to budge the wheelbarrow. The hill was steep and there was a fair amount of wood in the barrow.
But to my amazement T got it moving. I watched him move it for 20 yards until the hill got extremely steep and he got stuck.
"Need some help T?" I called out.
"No, dad!"
T tried non stop for 5 minutes to move that wood up the hill. I watched him push and pull and then push again. Finally he lied down spread eagle at the base of the barrow, defeated.
"Dad! I could use some help!"
I ran over and started to pull the wheelbarrow. I was amazed that T was able to move it an inch. I could barely move the thing. Then I looked back and saw T hitching a ride.
I figured that he had earned it. During the ride up the hill I told T about persistence and how he had plenty of it. I told him that the characteristic would help him to become an astronaut or a scientist or whatever he wanted to be.
T looked pleased.

Father Daughter dance at the YMCA

The second annual YMCA father daughter dance was a resounding success. J bought L a party dress for the event. I got all spiffed up in a tie and jacket. It was a cute date night for daddy and L.
L and I danced the night away. L's favorites were the Macarana and YMCA. I enjoyed doing both dances with my little princess.
We had an absolute ball. I spun L around, over my head, through my legs, on my shoulders, ect... I even tried to do some splits!

Sick day with M.

The family has been sick. Mommy has a stomach bug. M has oral herpes that is killing her teeth. T and L are coughing and fatigued. Mommy called me at work on Tuesday and said that I had to take Weds. Off.
I looked at my calendar.
"Weds. Is the worst day of the week. I have staff meetings and 3 other meetings." I said.
I thought hard during the silence.
I scanned my calendar and was amazed to see that Thursday was wide open. "How about Thursday?" Can you hang in until then?
Mommy replied begrudgingly that she could manage until then.

I slept with M on Tues. And Weds. Nights. Tuesday was rough, but Weds. She slept right through. I felt good going into Thursday with the kids.
M's teeth have been extremely sore. Everyt time something touches her mouth she is sent into a crying fit. Mommy had been in this hurricane for 3 days straight. She desperately needed a break. I realized however that when we are all around the house that we can hurt each other as much as we can help each other.
If I stayed home and was defensive and irritable then I would be no help to her at all. I meditated on this idea in the morning. I vowed to be of service to my wife today. I vowed never to react to her emotions and to always respond with empathy. This week had been tough and her nerves were frayed. This day would bring out some difficult personality traits. When our personalities clashed I vowed not to escalate it into an argument.
It did not take long for the challenges to begin. M would not go to me in the morning. She desperately wanted to cling to momma, who she had been attached to for 3 days. Eventually I was able to coerce M into the tub and the kids and I took a bath.
Mommy headed into her office to get some work done.
After the bath it was time for a family project. I jumped on the web and looked up a volcano recipe for the kids. We made volcanic eruptions for the next hour. I took my eyes off of M for a second and she was head to toe in green food coloring.
"Look dad, M's playing Shrek!" announced T.
I busted a gut over that one.
Back up to the tub for papa and M. Luckily I had left the bath water in the tub, just in case. The older kids joined us after a few minutes.
After we got dried up, mommy tried to take the older kids to the library. J already looked refreshed after just 2 hours of peace. Once M saw mommy, however, she was not to be denied.
"Mommy! Mommy!" She wailed.
I patiently tried to coax her off of mommy's leg, but to no avail. J was about to turn on the TV when I said.
"Wait, she might go for some videos on the laptop."
"D, I have had 3 days of this and I can't take any more!" J replied and she turned on the TV.
I took a deep breath and tried to empathise with J's plight. I deeply dislike feeling overwhelmed and I even more deeply dislike expressing that I am overwhelmed. I realized that my pride was not important at this time and a use of the outside voice from momma should be overlooked.
With the TV on, J was able to make a hasty exit.
I later coaxed M off the couch by offering to cut her toenails. I found out today that she loves this activity! We had a ball chomping the nail clipper on her piggies.
I put M down for her nap at 11:30 as J had requested. I made a salad for her and hotdogs and fries for the big kids.
We had a nice lunch when the rest of the family got home. J suggested that the older kids and I go for a hike.
We cut through the back yard to the golf course and for the first time the kids beat me to the course. L was on the 5th fairway making snow angels and T was asking to be picked up. We hiked for over a mile and covered many areas of the course that the kids had not seen.
When we got back M was awake. J seemed OK that she had been with M for a while. But soon M was crying again and mommy was getting visibly flustered. I scooped up M and tried to take her out to the car for a quick ride. She would have none of it. She screamed and hollered and fought to get out of her car seat.
Mommy came out after a few moments and took M out of her car seat and hugged her. I took a long deep breath and followed J back into the house. M was calming down now. We would need to put her infront of the TV again, however. This time she quickly lost interest and began wandering back down towards mommy's office.
"D, can you keep her out of here" Mommy scolded.
I again breathed deep and tried to think of something else to do. I retrieved a ball from downstairs and we began to play catch. This quickly became hit the kids in the head with the big ball. We played this for about an hour. Until M finally got caught in the teeth by an errant shot and began balling her eyes out.
Mommy arose from her office and shot me a look. I breathed it and let it go.

J and I had several other tough confrontations like this throughout the day. I did not react negatively to any of them. As a result, I believe, we had dozens of positive and loving interactions. At any rate, we definitely had more positive interactions since we were not dwelling on any arguments that we had throughout the day. J was also very loving and fun to be around for the majority of the day as well.

It is important to note that I did not hold all of these exchanges inside where they would eventually blow out into a full blown fight later. I was able to reduce my sensitivity to those exchanges and truly let them go.

How many people love L?

My wife popped in on my daughter L and I during her bedtime routine. I was spotting L on a handstand in the corner.
"Helping her wind down, daddy?" scoffed J.
"This is our last set, right L?"
I eased L down onto her belly and scooped her up into bed.
"Daddy, who gave me this blanket?"
"My friend, J from college."
"Why did he get it for me?"
"Because he loves you." I replied. "Lots of people love you. Would you like to count them?"
"Yes!" L replied enthusiastically.
"T and M love you. Mom and Papa love you." I continued on for a bit. I ticked off her school friends and L began to make a face.
"J doesn't love me, she loves mommy." I realized that this was true and laughed.
"OK." I replied, "Who else?"
"C loves me."
"Great. And how about your teacher, Mrs. H."
L confirmed that one.
"What about uncle E and auntie J."
"Good one." I replied. "And their girls A and P."
"What about M?" retorted L.
"Absolutely."
We continued on and on.
"How many is that?" Asked L.
"55." I replied.
"Wow. Can you please write that down so we can start from there tomorrow night?"
I smiled. "You bet, and maybe we can start the list of people that you love."
"OK." L replied.
I gave L a huge hug and went downstairs for some yoga.

Fantastic New Years Eve with the kids.

We had our annual New Years Eve party last night. The kids ran around the house, mixing with the adults at times and conspiring in the play room at others.
My favorite part of the evening is the simulated ball drop at 8 PM. All of the kids huddled in the living room and counted backwards from 10. When we hit 1 all the kids whooped it up and screamed and hollered. After dust had settled L began chanting:
"Again, Again."
My buddy J yelled out, OK, now let's do new year's in Iceland.
"10, 9..."
We did the countdown no less than 30 times. We hit a dozen time zones and scores of cities. The kids were shouting out their favorites and soon began starting the countdowns themselves. At that point the joy was selfsustaining. No adult intervention was required.
Another magical moment with the kids that I will never forget.

Tony Dungy's goodbye to his son.

I just cried my eyes out reading Tony Dungy's eulogy to his son. He said his last goodbye to his 18 year old boy at the airport and did not get a chance to hug him.
"Hug your kids every chance you get. I'll never forget the fact that I did not hug my son that last time."
That was one of the saddest thing that I have ever heard. Tony Dungy has to live with that last memory for the rest of his life. And the great man that he is, he summoned the strength to tell that story to the world during the toughest time of his life.
It is truly humbling to know that a parent can do so many things right and the events of our world can overwhelm a young man with his whole life ahead of him. I realize today that I need to double my efforts and give everything that I can to my kids. I vow to hug them every chance that I can get.
But if their experience overwhelms them, then I have to learn some way to let them go in the courageous manner that Tony D. did today.

This I believe.

The following is my submission to the This I believe segment on NPR:

I believe in the Dalai Lama. Anger is a vestige of evolution and it needs to be managed through patience practice. Negative emotions bring us a blind, selfish energy that too often results in harm to others. Our empathy and compassion towards others needs to be our guiding emotions in this life. I believe true happiness comes from connecting with and helping others.

I believe in Ben Franklin and Tony Robbins. I think that a positive outlook on life is one of the keys to happiness. Entrepreneurship, hard work and perseverance are inherent in all of humanity. Our perspective and the manner in which we apply our emotions to our experience color how we view each event in our lives. If we can exist without prejudice and see each new event as an opportunity then we are living life to its fullest. If we can enjoy our work, then we enjoy all of our days, instead of simply our days off.

I believe in Natural Healing and Dr Andrew Weill. Our bodies are perfect creations that have the miraculous ability to heal themselves. Listening to my body’s signals is essential and I respond with natural solutions to its messages. A vegetarian diet and yoga practice are examples of the disciplines that have resonated with me and my body.

I believe in my kids. If I instill loving values into my children then they will each do ten times the good works that I will accomplish. Therefore, every second that I invest in them will manifest itself ten fold in benefits for society. I practice patience with my children. I try to never interact with them when I am angry. I give myself more timeouts than I administer to them. I hug them and tell them I love them 30 times a day. I get them dressed in the morning and put them each to bed when I get home at night.

I believe in my wife. I think she is ringmaster. She manages more in a day than I could possibly hope to juggle in a year. I am grateful when dinner is ready when I come home, no matter what is prepared. I take a deep breath and say “Yes dear.” If she asks me if I know that I am supposed to take a right at the next set of lights. I insist that she take a nap on the weekends while I play with all 3 kids. I insist she get out of the house some nights so that she feels that her life is in balance. I believe in a mutually fulfilling and healthy sex life. I am thankful for Vasectomies.

I believe in an interconnected web of human relationships. I am happy when I see another person and I prove it to them by smiling at them with my mouth and eyes. I often witness another’s face completely change after they see my unassuming smile. I hope I instill each person that I meet with more positive emotion and energy. Then they can bring that energy into their relationships and lift up the web of life.

Reading to T's class

I love working close to home. It is one of the top things that I look for in my work. I was reminded of why today.

I took an early lunch and went over to my son's preschool to read some books to the kids. T picked out a dinosaur book that morning. I picked out a feelings book. As we were headed out the door, L suggested that we bring our family picture album. I was hesitant, but I brought it to appease L. The album turned out to be a huge hit.

I arrived at 11:30 to T beaming at the door. It was cleanup time and I got down on my hands and knees and helped pickup the toys. I spoke with D and K about where the hammers and stethoscope were stored. Then it was time to read.

I sat up in front of the class. 12 little beaming faces were ready to hear about dinosaurs. We started with Brontosaurus. The kids ooohed about how big he looked in the book. We talked about other objects that are 70 feet long.
"He was as long as 3 school buses." I said. "And much taller than the school."
I let that sink in and turned the page.
I asked the kids to pick their favorite color dinosaur from the next page. It was an even split between pink and green.
The T-Rex page was definitely the favorite. I hyped it up very well.

Next I breezed through the feeling book. The kids easily recognized the angry face and were able to demonstrate it well. They did the same with the happy face. This is another one of Todd Parr's excellent books.

The finale was the vacation album that J ordered from snapfish. That was a big hit with the teachers and kids. There is a picture of M at 14 months chillin in her car seat. The kids loved it as much as I did.

The look on T's face when I arrived at school was truly priceless. I loved meeting his friends and feeling the atmosphere at school. It was magic. I love that kid.

Encouraging awe in nature.

My wife and I went to the bookstore the other night. I love browsing with no topic in mind. I browse technology and fitness and see what pops off the shelf. I was in the science section and I found a great book called the Universe http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0756613647/qid=1132110085/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-8678562-1048066?v=glance&s=books.
It is a huge volume with creative images from the atom to the sun. Numerous shots from the Hubble telescope are featured. I knew the kids would love the astronomy section.
I showed the kids the book the next day. L and T asked me to take it down from the special shelf on 4 separate occasions. We poured over the maps of the stars. There was a section for the November sky in the Northern and Southern hemispheres.
"Let's find the North Star." I suggested.
We poured over the book for a moment.
"Ooops!" said L. "We should be looking in the Northern Hemisphere for that."
She was right again. Daddy was on the wrong page. 5.5 years old. The kids really amaze me.
"There is the big dipper and there is the little dipper." I said.
"Wow." said T.
Later that night when I was putting M to bed the older kids were getting into their silly mode. This has been a pattern for the past few nights.
"Guys! Why don't you get your coats on and we will go out and look at the sky? Maybe we can find some constellations."
It was curious that I did not have to repeat that suggestion. The kids sprinted downstairs and had their jackets on in 1 minute. A new family record. M and I were the last ones ready.
We went around the house and shut out all of the lights. That was an exciting project. When the house was in pitch blackness the kids and I headed out back.
"Look! The little dipper!" T exclaimed.
He was right on. "You've got it T!" I encouraged.
M called out: "Moooo."
"Yes, M!" I said. "That is the moon!"
"Where are all the stars?" Asked L.
"It is a little cloudy tonight. We will see some more stars another night. But aren't the ones that we can see beautiful?"
"Yeah." Replied L and T.
I think these expeditions and learning projects build a sense of awe in the kids about nature. Throughout the day we talked about how many stars are in the universe. I think the kids will grow up with a healthy mindset, knowing the true nature of the universe.

Patience pondering

The following is a post that I left in response to a patience question on yahoo groups:

Yes, I would love to share some ideas on the patience topic. Your observation of thinking before you speak is a great thought to keepin mind. It has saved me many times and there are many times that Iwish I had employed it.

Also, you mentioned the challenge of parenting when you are tired or cranky. It is good to know when you are tired or your blood sugar is low. When I am operating in this mode I consider myself in the danger zone or Orange alert. I try to remain extra vigilant with my patience.
The classic patience technique is counting to 10 and taking deepbreaths. It is easy to say, but I think it is really hard to do in the heat of battle. It feels weird to stand up and walk out of the room without saying a word. It feels like you are giving in,somehow. But the several times I have utilized it, it has been a real homerun. It diffuses the situation and the adrenaline clears from my system.

Another physical cause of patience failure is when the kids are screaming and causing actually pain in your ears. I believe this is a biological reaction that causes us to become hyper alert.Adrenaline is again released into my system and I have to become consious of my actions. I have to consciously realize that the pain in my ears is simply temporary. My ears always feel better moments later.

Often times the kids will rope me into their arguments. One is crying because they were hit or one of the kids is yelling at their mother. The anger spreads through the room like wildfire. It is Ariel emotional master that can keep it cool in these situations. Don't take sides. I remind myself that this is not my anger, it is theirs. They are angry. If I can remain impartial and see things from all sides then I can offer healthy alternatives. Again if I am worried about my ears, or my peace and quiet then I am doomed. Also if I pick a side I am also not doing one party much of a service.

Another patience trigger is when I perceive that the kids are making work for myself or my wife. Intentionally spilling water. Making tons of noise after I have just put our youngest down. These actions really challenge me. I have to remember to breathe deep and recall that they are only children acting as children are supposed to. I also try to remember that the perceived work is seldom as much as I expect.

Whenever I put myself in the kids shoes I generally achieve the empathy that I need to successfully manage a challenging situation. I think of these things as patience "swing thoughts". At any time one of them may come in handy and I hope I am aware enough to bring it to the forefront of my mind.

Does anyone have any other good suggestions on patience?

Passing on values at bedtime.

Each night when I put T to bed he asks for a story. I use this time to convey my values to my little man.
Many nights we pick a profession where he can help humans or animals. For instance he will accompany Steve the crocodile hunter on a mission to save injured crocodiles in the outback. He rescues crocodiles from trees and fixes there cavities while Steve holds their mouths open.
Other nights T will drink a potion that he invented and turn himself into a dinosaur or some other creature. The creature will help mankind in someway. When he is a Brontosaurus, he can give children rides at the park. When he is a dragon he can help me burn stumps out of the backyard. T is always having fun and helping out.
Last night was one of our best. He said he wanted to be himself in this story. I told him that he could cook a meal for the Monday night supper for the homeless at our church.
"What do you want to cook T?"
T thought long and hard for 30 seconds. I waited patiently for his response, doing all that I could not to lead him.
Finally T decided: "Gingerbread cookies."
"Great! I am sure that they will love them."
"What ingredients do we need and how do we make them?" I asked.
"We need eggs, flour, sugar, milk and a great big bowl! And then we stir it!" T replied enthusiastically.
"Perfect. What should we use for eyes?"
"Chocolate chips." Replied T.
L was listening patiently and keeping quiet during T's story. Then she piped in:
"Dad, this is like when we made the grilled cheese sandwiches for the youth group lunch at church!"
"Exactly!" I exclaimed.
"And did those kids appear happy when they received their sandwiches?"
L paused. "Yes, they looked very happy."
"I think the hungry people at our church will feel just as happy to eat T's cookies."
"Yeah." replied T. "Now can I have a dinosaur story?"

It is tempting to give T exactly what he asks for each night. Stories filled with action and gore that scare the pajamas off of him. Instead I try to fill the stories with values like hard work, enjoying your work, and helping make the world a better place. I try to keep away from stories with villains and heros who overcome treachery. I hope T will build a world full of cooperation and win-win scenarios instead of win-lose. Especially when the winner needs to resort to violence to get the job done. Can you see where I stand on the Disney films?