Four Arya truths

1:  Arya truth number one:  All beings suffer.  Suffering is an emotional state that resists what is.  For instance if I hit my thumb with a hammer I typically shake it off pretty well, but if it happens the day prior to my summer golf tournament my suffering increases.  When the kids stay up late I believe I will be more irritable the next day and collect negative energy.  This is a way that I make self improvement, self existent.    Etc…  There are many examples. 

I am coming around to the idea that all material experiences that are experienced from the perspective of a separate self, contain some level of suffering.

2:  The second arya truth is that Suffering is caused by Ignorance, Delusion and the mental affliction obstacles.  We have limitations of our sense powers that seem to indicate that we are separate beings.   According to Maitreya: We are born with a sense of “I” that is separate from all things and that tendency is reinforced over time as we experience our separateness through our experience with physical objects.  As long as we see ourselves as separate we will suffer.  When we harm another or trash talk about them, it is like seeing our right hand stealing something and then later, when the right hand is not looking, the left hand strikes it. 

An example is this story of the coach at my son’s BBall game.  The opposing coach has been vocal with the refs for the entire game, arguing calls etc.   My son Tommy gets fouled and shoots a free throw and as the ball is bouncing over the rim the coach of the opposing team yells for the ball to “Get out!”.  Who does not think that guy is a destructive force in the universe?  There seems to be no clearer example.  But for one, we don’t know who he is.  Perhaps the parents and kids on that team love him.  Or maybe he is acting and was put there to test me, but if I think he is a jerk by nature then I am the one suffering.  I handled the interaction reasonably well, where I advised the coach of the code of conduct that we abide by, but I was still not in total control of my emotions and certainly experienced some anger.  So I decided I would not deliver any more constructive criticism for the remainder of the game J

I like the examples of types of cells in an organism as well.  We can be a red blood cell, where we go about our days in a normal state.  When we experience the afflictive emotions we act like cancer cells and we eat away at the collective organism.  When we act like a Bodhisattva we become like a white blood cell, helping others.  But when we do good deeds with the idea of no separate self in mind we act like a stem cell, morphing into what any being needs at any moment.

Our mind being a flock of starlings is another great metaphor.  These are the smaller birds that maneuver in a majestic flock.  One starling takes its cues from the surrounding 7 starlings and they move in a formation that can avoid predators and they achieve what a single startling could not.  This morning I was driving to work and I saw a flock flying over the road.  There had to be about 1000 birds.  They split into 2 flocks over my car and headed in opposite directions and “HONK!”  The guy behind my was not happy with my bird watching.  So I pulled over and let him go and hoped that his mind quieted down.

3. The third arya truth the Buddha taught was that there is an end to suffering.  He taught that “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional”.  Another way to express this is through the equation: Suffering = Pain X Resistance.  If we drive resistance to 0 and accept our reality then we will not suffer.  In my prior golf example if I have no attachment to my golf weekend then I have no suffering when I disable my golfing hand with a blow from the hammer.  When I say “attachment” I mean that there is no belief that the material pleasure of a round of golf and time away with my buddies can bring me lasting happiness, so why should I get upset? 

It also needs to be said that there is nothing wrong with golf.  I connect with my friends there and share experiences and can search for my opponent’s golf ball with the Bodhisattva intention, but the Buddha taught that the material experience of a great golf shot or any other material experience can’t deliver lasting happiness.

4.   The fourth arya truth is that there is a path to the end of suffering through the 8 fold path or we like to use the 6 perfections presentation.  Again we must realize that we are interconnected with all things and that even our thoughts affect the entire universe so we must work on them iteratively with compassion for ourselves.  But we can’t change our thoughts overnight. 

If that were possible can you imagine how vulnerable we would be?  If we were channel surfing and accidentally encountered a Donald Trump university commercial we would be all in!  And then later we would be part of a class action suit trying to get our tuition back.  So it has to be iterative and we must progress in stages and be persistent and patient with ourselves.

I like to think of the idea that we need to progressively burn new neural pathways in our brains.  We need to coach the “agents” in our minds to change: interaction by interaction.  Per MC we want to believe that there are objects beyond our sense powers, but we want to maintain a balance where we retain our critical thinking and don’t become “weenies” that believe every magical idea that comes along.  So we progress steadily and iteratively and it could be no other way.

Intention:  Master Culladasa states that all thoughts contain intentionality as part of the payload or data in the thought.  If I see myself as separate then I will suffer (Even if I perform philanthropy someone at the soup kitchen will irritate me).  But if I act while viewing myself as a member of a society of equals then I will try to act in the highest interests of all concerned.  So, it does not matter if I succeed in the endeavor that I planned, only that I try with the Bodhisattva intention. 

That idea also extends to my mind as a society of agents that are all competing for main mind consciousness and the happiness of these 5 aggregates.  So with that intention I should coach the agents of my mind, to see the world as an interconnected set of aggregates.  I should positively reinforce this behavior in meditation and throughout the remainder of the day. 

Another great metaphor for main mind consciousness is again the movie theater.  But the data that is projected onto the screen is coming from the audience which is also the consumer of the data.  Does that make sense?  The screen is a shared area of consciousness and it is the place where our consciousnesses communicate.  The experience of Nirvana is when all of our mental agents are paying attention to the screen at the same time and they all stop projecting and then we can see the screen.  I am told it takes great mental stability to experience this.

Wrap up:  The four Arya truths hold great promise for bringing us deeper happiness.  Please be compassionate toward yourself on this path.  Please be patient, but be firm with the society that is our mind and make steady progress on the path to total liberation from the delusions that give rise to the afflictive emotions.

Story of Soccer on Saturday morning.

Usually when Jen and I go out I perform the role of Designated Driver and that Friday night was an evening when I performed that role.  Prior to leaving, Jennifer expressed her plan that I would get up in the morning and take Mia to horse riding lessons at 9.  My daughter Lauren would accompany us and I would then take her to soccer.  I would watch Laurens soccer game and then I would pull Lauren early from the soccer game and take her to rock climbing in Woburn at 12:00.  Then I would drive back in time to coach my daughter Mia’s soccer game at 1:30, warm-ups start at 1:00. 

    

Since I wanted to give my wife the gift of sleeping in, I agreed to buy into this plan.   I could see no other way to accomplish all that we were trying to do, but I knew that it was high risk that I was in Woburn at 12:00 when I needed to be in Hamilton at 1:00, but the reward seemed to outweigh the risk, so I chose to agree to the plan.  The importance of my buy in will become clear later.

The first speed bump happened right after my morning meditation.  I woke my 13 year old Lauren to come with me and she refused.  She said she would get a ride from a friend.  Agreeing to this change seemed low risk, but if she did not get a ride I would shoulder the blame for ruining the plan.  My mind did some calculations and I decided to let her try to acquire her own ride which would give her some extra down time.

The ride to horse and the soccer game went smoothly.  I enjoyed watching the game and conversing with the other parents.  I walked around the field and got Lauren 10 minutes early from the game and we drove to the rock climbing gym in Woburn.  Lauren wanted to stop for D&D.  I knew the clock was ticking, but in my mind I perceived we still had enough buffer time, so I agreed.

The drop off at the rock climbing gym also ran long.  I need to fill out paper work and sign a waiver.  My daughter was also not thrilled about being left in Woburn alone, but I explained my situation and she said that she understood.

Then things got interesting.  The traffic from Woburn was slow up until Peabody and then ground to a halt.  The time was about 12:30.  I had 30 minutes to get to the field for warm-ups.  The car inched forward.  10 minutes passed, then 20.  My eye consciousness then perceived an orange light that appeared on the dash board in the shape of a gas pump.  My mind made a calculation that I had one gallon of gas left and that I had about 30 miles available.   It would be close, but if the traffic cleared I would have enough time.  

Then the thought arose:  “Where is this traffic coming from?”  My mind figured it was probably the North Shore mall.  Then another thought.  “Why was I even here in the first place?  Why did I have to run this errand?  My priority was to coach Mia’s game.”   I let that go too.  My mind had bought into this plan to help others.  That is the meaning of life.  We are all interconnected.  Despite possibly causing some harm to others by being late to the game (when I had the equipment in my trunk) my intentions were good.  The only way I could experience failure on this mission is if I allowed thoughts of “me and mine” to cloud my judgment.  If I let thoughts of desire and self-righteousness go on then I would say something negative to Jen at the game or later.

Then I got a signal from my bladder that there was urgency there.  Oops, too much coffee.  I am aware of where the term “pissed off” comes from.  So I made a conscious effort to let that go and be mindful of the sensation.   When I neared the Peabody exit I found the source of the traffic snarl.  It was the weekend before Halloween; the traffic was for the thousands of people trying to get to Salem.  I cruised by that exit at close to 1:00.  I gambled that I would have enough gas and I was rewarded by cruising into the parking lot at 1:10.  I could see our assistant coach sprinting across the parking lot and the girls were lined up in front of the goal waiting for the soccer balls.  I parked and hustled over with the soccer balls.  The girls accepted the soccer balls and started their practice.  Not one person commented on my tardiness.  

I jogged over to the porta-potty to try to take care of the bladder messages.  I perceived that I was cut by two parents and children, so I had to abort that effort and go back into line and check in with the referee.  After check in the porta-potty was free and that issue was resolved.  Next my daughter went on to score 5 goals in the first half and the Generals cruised to an easy victory.

The last challenge came later, when I found out that 2 of Lauren’s friends had gone home after the soccer game and joined the Birthday party caravan, so much of the hustling of the morning could have been avoided.  I tried to breathe when I heard that news and did not blame anyone for the events of the morning with my speech, but I can’t be sure about my body language, because I know that the thoughts arose.  :)

This was an example of how I try to put my mindfulness into practice and see the Dharma in all experiences and exchanges.  I also believe that I experience different agents operating in my mind based on past experiences and it is through mindfulness that we can retrain our mental agents and produce results that are in the highest interest of all concerned.

Wonderful Energy Work Session

I recently enjoyed a powerful session with an energy practitioner. At first we were working on opening my lungs and shoulders and energy centers for the first 40 minutes. During the last 20 minutes of the session some deeply spiritual activities occurred.
I began to be able to take deep to the bottom of my lung breaths. I began to make a low humming noise from my throat. My hands began to feel full of energy. As if I were holding electric spheres in my hands. I could almost feel the eletricity flowing across my body from hand to hand. (I was lying on my back)
Then I began to meditate on emptiness and the energy and insights began to flow. I pictured myself as having been born in different realms (Hell being, hungry ghost, animal - dog, human - saint). The images were not contrived and simply flowed.
It took about 10 minutes to be able to calm my breathing and come down from the session, but it felt like a brief insight into what a good emptiness meditation might be like.
This felt like another deep spiritual experience and breakthrough.

Stretching boundaries with Mom and Cousins

My mom fell last Weds. night. My eldest daughter and I drove to the hospital and stayed with her until 11 PM while we waited for CT Scan results. I fully expected the doctor to say that we could all go home when that was complete, but the universe had different ideas.
"I'm sorry. I can't be sure that there is no spinal damage. You will need to drive into Boston."
The ambulance drive looked at me and said: "Will you be following us in?"
I took a step backwards and put my hands up. "No, I can't. Will she be OK without me?"
My mom and the ambulance driver assured me that she would be fine and they sped her off into Boston.
I drove my daughter home and assured myself that I was doing the right thing. I had a big project presentation in the afternoon the next day that I could not miss. I also needed my sleep to be the best Dad that I could be for my kids.
When I got home I looked at my comfortable bed and asked my wife: "If you were in Boston, would you want me to be there?" She said that she absolutely would.
At that moment I realized that my attachment to my job, my routine and my salary was holding me back from being what was most important. A good son.
I grabbed some coffee and drove into town. My mom's face lit up when she saw me. I slept for a few hours on the hospital floor and drove my mom home at 7:00 the next morning.
I was so happy that my spiritual path allowed me to overcome my fears and do the right thing. I managed to get a nap in before the meeting and get it done anyway.

3 Days later my cousin passed on due to a tragic death. I went to the wake, but the funeral was out of the question due to work commitments. My mom asked me if I would be attending the funeral. I immediately responded: No! Then I reflected for a time. Who do I want to be? What is the right thing to do? Do I want to be there for my family?
I changed my mind and went to the funeral. It was the right thing to do. I felt like the universe drove home the point that I needed to overcome my fears and patterns to grow spiritually.

Amazing meditation!

The topic of this recent meditation was to "Breathe in and feel Gods love, and breathe out and breathe your love to God." After 10 minutes of this meditation, the energy level in my body increased dramatically. I began to shake and my back arched. I felt I could see God at my 3rd eye and could feel his energy surging through my body. My chest and abdomen were swirling with energy as well. I felt that I could literally feel God and his love. After the meditation my limbs and body were shaking for about 20 minutes. It was a wonderful feeling that continued with me for several days

Spa day with my lovely wife

After I finished my 90 minutes of hot yoga this morning I set my intention for my day with my wife. I vowed to:
Not get irritated when I can't hear what she says.
Remember how many great things she does for me day in and day out.

Balancing competing interests

I think one of the toughest times that I face is when my wife and my child both have competing interests and each one asks me to help them.
This happened tonight. My wife was sick and my 5 year old wanted to sleep in mommy's bed. Jenn need to get some rest and that was not going to happen with Mia rolling on her.
Jenn began issuing consequences, but Mia just dug in deeper and began grunting and screaming. Mia wanted me to let her stay, Jenny needed her out. The clock was ticking, because everyone's patience was wearing thin.
"Mia, you can sleep on my side of the bed or on the Dave bed." (The day bed has been nicknamed the Dave bed.)
"Arrrrgggg, I need to think." Grunted Mia, barely audible.
"You need to think?" I confirmed.
Another grunt.
"Think quickly, because mommy needs to sleep."
Mia sat sucking her thumb.
"What is your decision?" I asked.
More incoherent grunting mixed with "I need to think!"
"Can I carry you to your decision?" I suggested.
Mia flung out her arms and allowed me to pick her up. I began to play "Am I getting hotter or colder." I moved to one area of the room, and then another. As it turned out she decided to go to her brother's room. I never would have suspected that she wanted to sleep there. It's freezing in there:)
I chalked this up to another win-win outcome. I was able to maintain my patience by connecting with my breath and realizing that the needs of my wife and child were both important. I was thankful that I was able to keep my cool while keeping the threats and consequences to a minimum.
Yeah.

Mia grunts and screams her way to sleep

Tommy called Mia the "fat" word tonight and Mia fell apart. She began screaming, grunting and crying uncontrollably in the living room. I can't reach her when she is in that state.
I figured my options were to move her into her bedroom and hold the door shut as she screamed and kicked. Or I could hug her and place her on the soft couch while Tommy and I went up for his bath.
I chose the latter option. She was tired, sad and angry. Who needs a consequence in that condition? I hugged her and told her I was sorry that she was so sad. I have done this enough times so that she knows that I mean it and she no longer gets defensive when I hug her when she is angry.
When I got back down from the bath, she had cried herself off to sleep.
I call this ButterCream Gang parenting. This was a movie from the early 90s where one of the kids in a group begins to do some really horrible things, like bullying and shoplifting. The entire town reacts with unconditional love and the kid eventually comes around. It worked from my point of view, tonight with Mia.

Attachment to a family meal.

I realized that I have an attachment to quiet meals with my family. When I take time to prepare a meal for Jenn and the kids I have an expectation that they will drop what they are doing and join me in a time of laughter and sharing and joy.
Often times however, my families agenda does not coincide with my desire to enjoy this time together. By reflecting on the needs of my family and respecting where they are in their lives I can attempt to reduce my need for a connected meal and simply enjoy the times when such an event occurs.
Hopefully this scene will not unfold again:
As I was finishing preparing a meal for Jenny and the kids, Mia began to lose her patience. She lied down on the kitchen floor next to me and began screaming at the top of her lungs. My 8 year old son Tommy began to stand just out of her reach as she tried to kick him from her back. I did not think it was possible, but her screams got louder.
"Mia, if you don't stop yelling, I am going to move you to your room."
More yelling and kicking.
"Mia, take a breath. You need to settle down and start using your words or there will be a consequence."
More yelling and kicking.
"Last chance." I began to lose my temper and put my hands on her shirt.
"No! I will stop!" she screamed.
I let her lay on the floor and tried to breathe. She grunted softly and was whining a bit.
Then Jenny decided to enter the argument. She was disappointed that I had not followed through on the consequence. (As many people who are reading this post are:)
"If you are not going to put her in a time out then I am." said Jenny.
I snapped.
"Don't even think about it! You don't like it when I interfere in your parenting choices, please don't interfere in mine."
Jenny turned and walked away and that outburst brought my 9 year old daughter into the argument.
"Daddy stop!" she yelled and she stormed out of the room.
I know she hates it when my wife and I argue. We snip at each other like that about once every 6 months. I have set the intention to reduce that amount.
She and Jenn came back to the kitchen, and still fuming I apologized for losing my temper. The scene was ugly, but as I regained my cool it was the only way that I could attempt to repair the damage.
"I am sorry for losing my patience and raising my voice." I said.
"No you are not!" screamed my 9 year old.
"I meditate each morning and do yoga in order to let those emotions go before I lose my temper. I do feel sorry. I am doing the best I can."
My 9 year old was still angry, but she seemed somewhat satisfied with this answer.

Needless to say, I did not enjoy the fish tacos as much as I anticipated. Since that incident I have reflected on my attachment to mealtimes and have tried to let it go with some success.

Talk on Buddhism for First Parish Church Sunday school.

The kids at FPC Sunday school recently visited a meditatation center. I was asked to put together a discussion on Buddhism to try to help them understand the topic better. Here is what I wrote:

Buddhism is a method to improve personal happiness. Premise: everyone wants happiness and deserves to be happy. We have a right to be happy and so does everyone else in equal measure.
Buddhism gives us a roadmap of the path to attain happiness. Two of the important ideas are:
1.Emotional Management
2.Compassion for ourselves and others.

Emotional Management: Buddhism gives us a method for incrementally calming and steadying our emotional state of mind. Our minds are like a pond. In high winds things aren’t clearly reflected. We want our mind to reflect reality and the truth.

We want to exercise control over which thoughts that we entertain and which thoughts we let go. Thoughts give rise to emotions. We have a thought and that evokes feelings. We want to limit the impact of the afflictive emotions of: anger, fear, frustration and greed. These are the biggest trouble makers in our experience and need our focus, attention and mindfulness. We want to limit the actions we take when we are under the influence of these emotions. When we are under their influence we don’t see the truth. Evolution delivers us blind energy when anger is present.

Story of the angry samurai:
This Buddhist story summarizes the effect of the afflictive emotion of anger:
A samurai warrior visited a Buddhist monk and said: “Master, explain to me the difference between heaven and hell.”
The monk replied: “I have no time for a simpleminded brute like you. Leave my temple.”
The samurai unsheathed his sword and shouted: “I could cut your head off right now!”
The monk replied: “That is hell.”
The samurai sheathed his sword, bowed his head and said: “Thank you, master.”
“That is heaven.” The monk proclaimed.

Sample meditation: One type of meditation involves letting go of all thoughts as they arise. An example meditation is one where we watch the breath. Let’s do a 5 minute breath meditation where we watch the breath and let go of all thoughts as they arise. This will enhance our ability to let go of toxic thoughts when they come into our experience, because if we can let go of all thoughts we can more readily let go of toxic ones when they are recognized.

Attachment:
The topic of attachment is important in the Buddhist framework.
We want to insure we don’t get caught up in praise or blame, fame or disrepute, pleasure and pain, gain and loss.
We don’t want to cling or grasp to a sensation because, by its nature, it is going to change. We need to welcome the present moment and we need to be ready to accept events as they unfold. One day we are the best at our sport, the next day we feel like we are an amateur again. Our bodies change and the world changes, but our calm, tranquil state of mind should be constant.

My 9 year old presented me with this joke the other day: “Why couldn’t the Buddhist vacuum in the corners of his house? Because he had no attachments!” She gets it, too.

Truth:
We want to seek the truth in our experience. A Buddhist tries to resist falsehoods, exaggerations and sarcasm. The famous Japanese Buddhist poet Basho wrote: “The old pond, the frog jumps in, plop.”
Often in the West we use exaggerations to add excitement or humor to a story. Buddhist prefer truth because it is safer.

Meditation on the emotions:
Think of the last time you got really angry? Reflect on this event as a neutral third party. Reduce your ego and examine the events while taking all sides into account. Try to discover the truth in the experience.

The final topic I would like to introduce is emptiness. Buddhists believe that objects don’t exist in the way our minds initially interpret them. Everything is interconnected in our world and nothing exists in its own right. Everything that comes into existence depends on something that helped create it. Objects are constantly changing and cannot remain indefinitely or be completely destroyed. The table that we are using was build from trees and will eventually break down and return to the earth. Life and death are examples of another continuum. We think of our life starting when we were born, but we lived as a fetus prior to our birth. We were also a part of the apple that our mother ate that nourished her eggs. Another meditation is to contemplate where you were when your grandmother was born.

Buddhist joke from Lauren

Lauren asked me the other day: "Daddy, why can't the Buddhist clean in the corners of his room?"
Why?
"Because he has no attachments?"
"Get it? For his vacuum."
I love Buddhist jokes from my 9 year old.
She can be very emotionally mature and does a great job understanding the emotions of others.
Awesome.
Thanks to Jenn for supplying the joke.

Best bedtime routine ever.

After Mia stopped screaming after being chased around the kitchen for the third time this evening, we had the best bedtime routine ever.
I brought Mia a book for bed, and she said that she did not want to read that book, but that she wanted to sleep with Tom. I said:
"OK, but Tommy needs to read you this book."
"OK!"
Win-win-win outcome. I love it.
Tommy read Mia to sleep and then put himself to sleep, while Lauren and I went downstairs and played Uno.
Lauren told me all about her presentation of her science project at school and how she got nervous in front of the class. We also laughed about the cards we pulled and just relaxed and hung out.
Later I finished my yoga poses for the day while Lauren drifted off to sleep.
Fantastic night.
It was tough not to yell at the older kids when they were chasing Mia and being hard on her earlier in the evening. I have to breathe deeply and simply get them separated.

My journey to Universal Unitarianism at First Parish Church

I was asked to deliver a talk about my journey to Unitarian Universalism at First Parish Church. Here is what I presented to the congregation:

My spiritual journey started as a young child attending services at St. Mary’s church in Beverly and I was confirmed Catholic. I became disillusioned with the Catholic Church in high school and I fell out of religious practice completely toward the end of my college years. I remember many useful lessons from the Bible like loving thy neighbor, but I continue to work on reducing my self-righteousness that was reinforced by my religious upbringing.

About 10 years ago, when Jenny and I decided to start a family, we began looking for a spiritual community for our kids. During my first service here at First Parish Church, I had my UU ahhaaa moment. I thought, church can be like this,? Open, informative, challenging, current? I was hooked. I recall the feeling of peace that I felt when I was attending services. That peace became more difficult to attain as my children grew to toddlers. I began grasping for the tranquility that our services provided and I could become frustrated when the children would not stay in the nursery or attend classes.

At that time I realized that I could create the calm atmosphere at church in my home through Buddhist meditative practices. A little over 3 years ago I began meditating at home daily. The moment I started a daily practice, my grasping for the tranquility of church was greatly reduced. But I welcomed the moments of peace between stints of sheparding the kids.

My spiritual practice involves creating a calm state of mind so that I can try to act in the interests of all concerned in any situation. This involves trying to develop a steadier mind that can recognize when the afflictive emotions, such as, anger and frustration are arising. If I am successful in recognizing the afflictive emotion and can connect with the breath I can often act with compassion. Compassion: understanding and alleviating the suffering of others, is critical to my religious practice. Most of my time in meditation is spent reflecting on what has happened in the past to cause me to become angry, and to try to envision the feelings of others when anger arises. I believe that God exists in the interconnected web of all existence and our actions either cause the web to shine brighter or dim.

We talk about these topics often at FPC when we discuss the interconnected web of all existence and compassion in human relations. These are 2 of our 7 principles, which I carry in my wallet. But, please don’t quiz me on them:)

I like to use a college analogy when describing UUs and FPC: I feel like we are all majors in UU with various concentrations in other religions. I believe that my concentration is in Buddhism. I feel uplifted and rejuvenated when we weave the Buddhist tradition into our services. I also am inspired by our sermons on Thoreau and Native American culture.
I love how this church exposes us to different traditions. The only thing that I knew about Judaism before FPC was that my mother got all the Jewish holidays off as a middle school teacher in Peabody. Now I know about many Jewish holidays and traditions as well as Hinduism and even Wiccan.

I am grateful to be able to lead the FPC meditation group. It is a time when the group comes together and deepens our spiritual practice. We work on connecting with our breath and developing our patience and compassion through positive visualization and insight meditation. I am thankful for the group energy that we create during our monthly encounters.

Ferry Beach is my most spiritual weekend of the year. It is a weekend of Meditation, yoga, dancing, singing songs around a campfire and connecting with friends and family. It is a weekend of the deepest renewal and it allows me to sustain my patience with my family for weeks afterwards.

Some of my best friendships have been established through this church. I can prove this because at least half of my Facebook friends are from First Parish. I have shared many Spiritual Parenting nights, winter solstice celebrations, Halloween parties, small group ministry meetings, auctions and Pastoral Care meetings.

I have watched members of this church take up the call to community service and that inspires me to do as much as I can in the community. Many of us gathered together to demonstrate for peace during the escalation of the Iraq war. Among my most cherished memories are the ones when we came together to cook meals for the less fortunate. I have been involved in several Monday night suppers and preparing meals for the River House or the kids for a UU coming of age weekend. There is nothing better than preparing a meal with friends, especially when you are doing it for a great cause.

I have had the opportunity to connect with many of the children in the church through teaching at our Sunday school. This will be my third year teaching. I am happy to have gotten to know so many of the kids at are church through teaching. It also helped me to appreciate the different learning styles that we have in our youth, and that fact kept me on my toes. I organized a scavenger hunt for the class last year for earth day and that was one of my favorite classes.

I have loved my last 10 years at FPC and look forward to 50 or 60 more.

Meditation on family compassion

I have been working on developing compassion for my family in my seated morning insight meditations for the past 2 weeks.  Each day it feels like my patience expands and my orientation towards service expands as well.  One specific competence that has been arising in meditation is listening skills.  I also worked on listening to Jenn and not interjecting my judgement into her ideas, until I validate and completely understand everything that she has spoken.  I think I accomplished this today.

Today Jenny asked if I could help her friend clear her yard.  I brought my chainsaw and helped clear brush for an hour and a half.  I felt accomplished that I was able to provide so much impact in a short period of time.
Later, a couple of Jennies friends asked that we go to a town meeting and vote for appropriations for a new HVAC system for their school.  The vote lasted 4 hours and I was not at all invested in the outcome.  I walked around and talked and played with my kids while the meeting unfolded.  I also worked on my mountain pose, forward bends and posture during the marathon. 
We finally voted and it turned out the vote was not even close.  The appropriation passed by an enormous margin and the hype to get people to turn out was not necessary.  That outcome did not affect me in any way. I was helping my wife and her friends, and living in the moment.
I took off with the kids and we played cards and games for the rest of the day.  It turned out to be a great day.  Having fun, and enjoying the experience wherever I went.  I had nowhere to go, and nothing to accomplish.  I just wanted to by with my family in any capacity, serving them and enjoying their company.

Sweet!

10 days of Contemplation on Compassion for Family

I have been having some great results with meditating on compassion for my wife and kids.  I have been able to sit for about 30 minutes each morning.  First 10 minutes breath, the next 20 minutes are spent reviewing examples where I could have been more compassionate and understanding.  I try to visualize the compassionate thoughts moving out of the sphere of my mind and seeping down into my heart, stomach and the rest of my body.  If I can internalize the compassionate thougths then I should no longer react when anger and frustration arise.
Two themes have been reoccurring for these past 10 days:

1.  I can be happy whatever I am doing, I don't need to be anticipating the next activity. 

2.  I can choose to be happy even when my ideas are challenged. I need not be right 100% of the time. 

 

These 2 issues seem to be the source of much of the anger that I experience.

Letting go of outcomes

The topic of my insight portion of my meditation this morning was "Letting go of outcomes and results."  For instance, during bedtime routine, to let go of:

1. Being yelled at.
2. Being ignored
3. Procrastination
4. Finishing the last Wii game
5. ect....

By attacking these problems, one at a time as the arise, I can let go of needing to get the kids to bed on my schedule and let them have some freedom with a reasonalble framework.
I am also trying to heal my ears, so that when I hear whining and yelling, that I don't react.  It is highly unlikely that the kids will need to visit the ER as a result of their horseplay.
Having this intention in my mind this evening helped bedtime proceed well from my perspective.  I did not lose my cool and the kids got to bed only a few minutes after their scheduled bedtimes.
I think that the more I reflect on these insights, the deeper that they sink in and more healing occurs.
So far so good.

Weekend of Service at Grampy's

Made it back from a weekend of service at my father-in-Law's. He is doing OK. When you give, you get, however. I got to spend a weekend with the funniest 8 year old boy you will ever meet. T and I talked about everything, from the Sox to the Pats to the Lightening Theif books.  He is such a great kid.  We talked about the time a bully punched him in the stomach at school.  This same kid aspires to be a murderer when he grows up.  

T asked me how electricity is generated for our house.  Why are there 4 downs in football and how does that work.  How many more game do the RedSox have and who are they playing.  Who won the baseball allstar game and who will get home field advantage this year?  The list went on and on.  I answered patiently and tried to ask as many follow up questions as I could.  

I discovered that T remembered as much or more about the Lightening Thief series as I did.  We also had a telepathic moment.  I was trying to recall one of the characters names in the book and was spouting out names: David, Peter, Bobby.  None of them seemed right.  Then T said he thought he remembered the name, but was not sure.  It popped imediately into my head.  Was it Daniel?  He said it was.  Pretty amazing.

Servicing my Father-In-Law and his partner was hard work, but the reward of doing for others is extremely enriching.  To get this added bonus of bonding time with my son was priceless.

Bristling at judgement

I realized that I have a hot button when I am feeling judged.
When I was driving the other day someone commented that I was taking the long way to out destination.
I replied that I liked the scenic route better.
"You will use more gas." they said and "that is bad for the environment."
But we are in a hybrid and it is only about a mile out of the way, I replied.
"Studies show that people who drive hybrids drive more miles" my passenger replied.
"Thanks for the judgment." I replied.
We moved on and didn't talk about the exchange, but I resented being judged when I work hard at minimizing my impact on the environment.
Ideally I would be able to accept the criticism and move on. I reflected on that in meditation and hopefully will heal this hot button.

A little preparation before bedtime confrontation

M was not interested in bed this evening. At 8:30 she was screaming for her brother to be returned from a sleep over. I let her call our neighbors house to get that out of her system. Naturally her brother refused to come home.
While she spoke to him I gathered myself and prepared for a difficult bedtime. I had no goals, and nowhere to go and nothing to do. All that mattered was that I was compassionate to my daughter and had a win-win outcome for bedtime.
She crumpled down on the floor and dug in her heels:
"I am not going to bed no matter what you say."
"M, you are going to bed. You can go walking or I can carry you. I can carry you like a baby or I can carry you by your heels."
"You mean I can walk on my hands all the way to bed?"
"If you can make it. It would be a new family record, I said."
We laughed our way all the way to bed and read a book and M drifted off to sleep, happy as a clam.
Win-Win.

Incredible weekend

My meditation practice feels like it is paying huge dividends. Last weekend I spent a full weekend with my wife and kids without reacting in anger for one moment. It felt like a huge accomplishment!